Monday, September 29, 2014

Essay 2 Draft

Jodie Crutchley
English Writing Skills Workshop
Professor Rasheda Young
09/29/2014

                                              “Home”
Where is home? Is it where you live now? Where you grew up? Home can be wherever you want it to be. Your home can be in the woods where you can smell the fresh sap resinating from the trees, in a suburb with your family and friends, or even on a field where you play your favorite sport. Home is where you make it. I highly doubt anyone has a perfect home. There is always something that could be fixed or changed where you live, or play. Personally in my home which is my dorm room, 3051 Hamilton Twombly on the campus of Fairleigh dickinson university, I would like to have changes in the structure of the building due to lack of stalls in the bathroom as well as showers, lack of washers and dryers, and also the screens on the windows in the rooms themselves. 
In the Hamilton building there are 4 floors with dorms on them. In the basement there is the freshman lounge which connects Hamilton to Florence, which is the other freshman dorm. I live on the 3rd floor of Hamilton. We have one bathroom in the girls hallway and we have the only washer and dryer on the floor in our hallways as well. Which means the boys from the 3rd floor always have to use our washer and dryer. In the bathroom there are 2 stalls, one of which has been locked for god-knows-what. Last week someone had broken the toilet seat of one of the stalls also. There are 4 showers that I doubt are cleaned regularly because there is always globs of hair as big as golf balls sitting next to the drains. Other then the bathrooms the screens on the windows have holes in them so they don’t stop bugs from coming in and we regularly have stink bugs crawling around acting like they own the place. I still call my Hamilton 3051 my home though. All the girls and guys on my floor are very friendly, I’ve made a ton of friends so far. There are just a few things I would like to change. 
On the 3rd floor of Hamilton the ladies room does not have enough stalls for using the toilet and showering. As I mentioned before there are only 2 stalls to use the bathroom in and one of those 2 has been locked for the past 3 day, and before that someone had broken off the toilet seat of one of them, so for 3 weeks now we’ve been sharing 1 stall. This sounds highly unsantitary, and is also very inconvenient. If I am in dire need to use the toilet i have to walk down 4 flights of stairs to get to the basement. Then walk up the 4 flights just to get back to my room. I would like for the bathroom to be larger with more toilets since there is about 30 girls and 1 stall on this 3rd floor of Hamilton. 
In order to fix the toilet shortage on my floor the school would have to change the structure of the building which poses a large obstacle so instead I’m going to pose a different solution. I believe that if the floors were gender specified and the bathrooms on the floor were both for the one gender it would make it easier. Sharing 2 bathrooms is 
much easier than sharing 1. If the toilet brakes on one side there is the option to use the other halls bathroom instead of walking to the basement. Making a floor gender specific and having 2 womens (or mens) bathrooms on one floor could solve the shortage of stalls in one bathroom problem but there is also the problem of not having enough washers and dryers.
For the 3rd floor there is only 1 washer and dryer, for 60 or so students we are sharing 1 washer and 1 dryer. Since the laundry rooms are always open people from other floors also come to use ours when its open and theres is not. This is a problem because either there is no open washer or dryer, or people are taking others belongings out to put their belongings in. I have had a problem with others taking my clothes out of the dryer before they are even finished drying, and I have also had a problem with people giving me no time at all to take my thing out of the wash after they have finished and taking my wet clothes out and putting them on the top of the washer. Then I have to wait for the dryer to finish to put my wet clothes that have been sitting on top of the washer for a while in. Leaving wet clothes out makes them smell really bad. Its posted to give others time to take their belongings out of laundry machines but since there is only one of each machine waiting isn’t an option or you’ll never get your laundry in. So I believe the school should purchase more laundry machines for the floor. 
If there were more laundry machines it would be easier to get laundry done, and also people would be less likely to take things out in order to do their own. People wouldn’t feel pressured to do their laundry as soon as possible which would pressure them to take other people belongings out of the machine as soon as they finish not giving others time to finish theirs or taking other peoples clothing out before its even finished. Giving the floors machines would make it so people from other floors are not crowding other laundry rooms because they cannot use their own. For example: people from the 4th floor won’t have to do their laundry on the 3rd floor if they had more machines to do their laundry. Fixing this problem leaves only the problem of the faulty windows.
The screens on the windows either have holes in them or aren’t on all the way letting bugs into them. 12 times already I have had to flush a stink bug down the toilet or kill and clean up a bunch of ants that I match scurry straight past the window. This bothers me a lot because I now get the feeling that while I sleep bugs are curling up next to me, and slowly creeping over me. It disgusts me and makes me not want to sleep in my room. I believe the school should have facilities put little ant traps out and also fix the windows screens to minimize bugs.
Bugs aren’t able to enter a window screen that does not holes as easily as apposed to one with holes. The amount of bugs in the dorms will most likely decrease if the school fixes the window screens. Since ants are so small I would like if the school placed small ant traps around the hallway, in the bathroom, and also gave them to the residences of the dorm rooms to place around their rooms if they wish. This should help decrease the number of ants in the buildings, and let me get a better nights sleep then I have been getting due to these creepy crawlers. A few of my solutions could potentially improve the living conditions in the Hamilton Twombly building drastically. 
        I hope to see changes in the bathroom situation, the laundry rooms, and the windows/insect control in Hamilton. I believe it could make the college experience a little better for people who are to busy to wait around for an open stall, shower, or laundry machine. It could also help a entomophobic (or inspectaphobic) such as myself get some sleep knowing there aren’t dozens of scary looking critters making themselves at home under my pillow at night. Im sure though that despite the down falls of my building I will always call 3051 Hamilton Twombly my home no matter where life takes me in years to come, because the girls of 3rd floor Hamilton are my family. 





4 comments:

  1. Jodie, I like what you have done. This is a good start. Now consider making the changes to enhance your essay:

    1) In one sentence, write your problem: ____________________is a problem that needs to be fixed. Therefore _________________ (identify who should fix the problem) should _______________________.

    2). If using that format doesn't work for you, then in one sentence write exactly what the problem is, who should fix it, and a solution.

    3). The problems that you list are valid; however, if the problems aren't fixed, who would suffer? Why should they fix them? What would happen if they aren't fixed?

    4). What particular stats can you use to illustrate and/or support that there is a problem with unsanitary living conditions? For example, have your dormmates gotten sick more frequently?

    5). What point is Kinloch making in her article about Harlem? What point are you making about your dorm? Are your points different? Are they the same?

    6).What are your solutions?

    Think of yourself as an investigative reporter. Reporters ask who, what, when, where, how, and why for a comprehensive story. Think like this to revise your essay.

    Your graphics are great but they need to match the content of your essay and so far you have told me that it's pretty dirty there. Therefore, your pictures need to show the filth. Currently, it looks pretty sanitary.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Ok I will revise and fix before next class! Thank you!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Good morning Jodie, I'm checking to see if you've begun revising your essay. When you do, please italicize the changes to make it easier for me to see.

    ReplyDelete